


Cycles

by ShimadaGenji



Series: Sad one shots I keep writting at 1 am [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Hospitals, Kakashi’s childhood issues, M/M, Repetition, mentioned deaths and kakashi being reckless with his life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-19 09:50:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19354552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShimadaGenji/pseuds/ShimadaGenji
Summary: Kakashi must be cursed.A work on cycles of hurt and loss in Kakashi’s life and nights in the hospital.





	Cycles

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write a thing with patterns or repetition or something so i wrote this. Its been sitting in my drive for a while and I didnt want to post it at first but then I was like “meh.. what if someone wants to read it?” So here it is.  
> I have too many stories on post kannabi bridge angst dhdddhcdjcd

Kakashi sat down at a hospital room. It wasn’t really necessary for him to be there, he wasn’t injured. Still they dragged him there and sat him down, made him speak with a person or two. They asked about his father. He knew his father wouldn’t be brought to a room because when they reached Kakashi at his home, his father had already bled out under his hands, and dead people don’t get hospital rooms. 

But apparently uninjured people did, for some reason.

It took several more minutes but finally the door to his room opened again. Minato-sensei walked in hurriedly, eyes zeroing in on Kakashi. He looked a little pale and very much like he probably had woken up only a few minutes before.

“Kakashi…” his voice rasped as he walked up to the boy.

Kakashi made a show of keeping his back straight and eyes forward, even as he was feeling cold now where the blood had not quite dried yet. Minato approached him cautiously but Kakashi didn’t let him comfort him. 

He fought against every ounce of sadness that threatened to spill through. He needed to show everyone he was still reliable, that he wouldn’t let his emotions compromise him.

“Can I go home now?” He asked the man.

Minato grimaced, looking at the floor for a few seconds before turning to Kakashi, a wobbly smile on his face.

“How about you spend the night at my house?”

Kakashi didn’t really feel like he should be imposing on his sensei, one he got only a few months back. But he didn’t really manage to say no. So he only nodded, and Minato placed a hand on his back, rubbing soothing circles. Kakashi got up and they left.

 

———-

Kakashi sat down at a hospital room. It wasn’t really necessary for him to be there, his only major injury had already been taken care of days ago by Rin. Still they dragged him there and sat him down, made him speak with a person or two. They asked about his sharingan. They knew what a sharingan was, of course, there was an Uchiha between them after all, what they didn’t understand is how Kakashi managed to use it, and especially how he had come to possess it when its real owner hadn’t made it back. It was simple, Obito had died and given it to him.

It took a lot of convincing but they finally let him go while keeping the gift. They wouldn’t teach him how to use it, he wasn’t welcomed into the Uchiha secrets. That was fine, he had been a genius his whole life, he’d figure it out. Minato-sensei had sat through the whole discussion, defending Kakashi with all he had. Even Rin had joined in with her testimony. Now they all just looked worn out, exhausted.

“Kakashi…” Rin had called, when he started drilling holes into his lap with his eyes. 

Kakashi made a show of straightening up, looking back at her with determination, even as the pictures of Obito’s last moments seemed to burn into the back of his eyes. Rin tried to comfort him but Kakashi didn’t give her the chance.

He fought against every ounce of sadness that threatened to spill through. He needed to show her he was still reliable, that he wouldn’t let his terrible penchant for rules get in the way of his promise to Obito.

“Can I go home now?” He asked out loud.

Rin looked away, and Minato watched them both for a second, the room too silent with the lack of their fourth team member.

“How about we go for lunch?” Minato asked with a smile, despite it being almost nighttime. 

Kakashi didn’t really feel like he should be imposing, he shouldn’t be welcome after the mistake he made. But he didn’t really manage to say no. So he only nodded, and Minato placed a hand on his shoulder and another on Rin’s, leading both his students out the room to eat.

 

—————

Kakashi sat down at a hospital room. It wasn’t really necessary for him to be there, he wasn’t injured. Still they dragged him there and sat him down, made him speak with a person or two. They asked several questions, but for some reason they all fled his mind, mixing up into incomprehensible garbage. He had a hard time making out half of it and an even harder time forcing words to come out of his mouth.

Maybe he really was injured, maybe he was finally dying.

They wanted to know why the enemy kidnapped Rin and why she didn’t come back. Kakashi knew why, he couldn’t stop thinking about it, his arm was shaking a lot, prickly with blood and dirt. He had tried washing it earlier but they forced him to stop and now his arm was wrapped in wool and he couldn’t pick at it and it made him uneasy. He thought he managed to explain everything at some point but he didn’t really remember. 

Minato finally showed up, much later into the night, when the sun was almost up again. He looked so tired. Kakashi felt guilty. Minato was the hokage, he already had so many things to concern himself with and Kakashi was only making it worse.

“Kakashi…” he wasn’t sure if it was sensei or Rin who said it.

Kakashi kept his head bowed low, guilt riding on his shoulders. He feared he exposed the failure he was, breaking promises and removing every source of happiness and kindness from Minato’s little team.

He fought against every ounce of sadness that threatened to spill through. He knew needed to show him he was still reliable, that he could still do something for his village, but how could he do that when facing his sensei? The least he deserved was facing his punishment in silence.

“Can I go home now?” He asked defeated.

He could feel Minato’s eyes on him, he was scared of what emotion they’d show if he looked at them, so he didn’t. They were in silence for a while when his sensei finally spoke up.

“How about you spend the night at my house? Kushina misses you.” He tried, calmly, soothing.

Kakashi didn’t really feel like he should be imposing on his hokage, hor his wife. So he shook his head in a no. He got up from his seat and left Minato behind, heading back to his apartment.

 

————

Kakashi stood at a hospital room. He didn’t know why he was there, he wasn’t injured and didn’t think himself capable of any medical care. Still they took him in so that he could assist the people who bled and died around him. They asked him several orders and he complied in a numbness Kakashi had grown used to.

The whole village was a wreckage.

The kyuubi attack caused a massacre of proportions Kakashi had never seen. He’d seen bloodshed (he’d caused bloodshed, his arm prickled) but never inside the walls of Konoha. 

Minato and Kushina died.

He couldn’t fight the sadness that spilled through. Bursting through his beating heart and breathing lungs. What had it all been for? Why was he the one left? Why?

“Go home kid.” Someone told him.

He didn’t reply.

He couldn’t stay so he left to his home.

 

————

 

Kakashi sat down at a hospital room. He didn’t know why he was there. Technically he was very injured,  he supposed, but he was pretty sure he was nowhere near a hospital when he blacked out. Still they dragged him there and laid him down, leaving him alone with the machines. The silence was deafening.

Would anyone ask why he’d done that to himself? How he’d done it? In the end it wasn’t relevant, Kakashi was the only one harmed by it all in the end. So it didn’t matter. He went through a few excuses, of how difficult ANBU job was, of how he needed to put himself through that for the mission’s success, how he deserved. But in the end he really didn’t feel like explaining himself. That is, until Gai walked into the room.

He kept his eyes leveled up, watching Kakashi intently as he stepped up to his bed. He looked like he wanted to cry but was set on not doing so. It looked pathetic and Kakashi felt guilt bubbling where before was nothing at the sight. Gai didn’t get why Kakashi did this.

“Kakashi…” he said sternly.

Kakashi looked away. They had had this fight several times by now. Gai would get angry that Kakashi would be willing to put himself at risk like that without reaching out for help and Kakashi would straight up ignore him. Except that Gai was right, and Kakashi was a coward, because he cared about Gai and he was scared the curse would repeat and next time Gai would be gone. So he was hoping he himself would instead.

“Can I go home now?” He mumbled.

“No.”

Kakashi’s head snapped up in surprise. Gai stared him hard.

“This is not where you belong. I don’t care what you think. I won’t allow it to happen again.” Gai said in his usual stubbornness. The one that made him keep going when everyone laughed at him, that kept smiling when his father was gone and that stood beside Kakashi despite the promise of pain that was to come by association.

Gai had no say in Kakashi’s fate. It didn’t matter what he wanted, curses weren’t broken with hard work.

“That’s why I wanna be home.” Kakashi said, pretending he didn’t understand.

“No. You’ll stay here, and you’ll let the medics take care of you. And once you are better you are talking to lord third and getting off ANBU.”

It was a ridiculous thought.

  
  
  
  


Kakashi stayed the night at the hospital.

The next day, lord third had him off ANBU.

At his apartment, so devoid of feeling, Kakashi felt odd.

Somehow it felt like dejavu.

 

———

 

Kakashi sat down at a hospital room. It wasn’t really necessary for him to be there, he wasn’t injured. Still he sat by the bed, not even holding his Icha Icha out. They offered him water, coffee, some condolences and all the space he needed. Perks of becoming hokage, he guessed. He mostly turned the offers down, deciding to make himself comfortable once Tenten and Lee left. 

He wasn’t injured but he couldn’t call this tightness in his guts as anything other than pain.

Gai proved he could do what no one else could. Gai lived by his ninja way and chose to die by it. It was stupid and reckless and heroic and Kakashi kind of really hated it.

There was no boisterous call of “Kakashi!”. No laughter and no jokes about how truly Gai surpassed Kakashi in a way Kakashi wouldn’t know how to catch up to.

Kakashi didn’t hide the slump of his back as he sat down and stared at Gai unconscious on his bed. Gai wouldn’t see it anyway. He wanted to hold his hand but he was afraid of what pain that small comfort to himself would bring to any of them.

He let his emotions come and go, slowly, carefully. Kakashi was still pretty bad at handling those to the point he really didn’t know how to feel them right. He was mad and he was proud and upset and oh so in love. He was definitely annoyed.

“I wish I was home now, you know?” He said out loud. 

It was kind dumb, seeing he was the one that decided to come. No one made him.

“Or maybe I’ll go to your house. Use all your plates instead, I’ve been too busy to do the dishes anyway.”

Kakashi didn’t mind imposing in Gai’s house, they’ve been doing that for a while now. It served him right anyway, since he couldn’t scold Kakashi into not doing it. But Kakashi stayed the night at the hospital anyway. Him and his thoughts and hopes that Gai had truly broken the cycle.

  
  


He told Gai so days later.

Gai had the audacity to laugh.

“I don’t believe in curses, rival!”

And that was that.


End file.
